Saturday, August 7, 2010

High Drama Blog Fest















Okay, first, let me say that it is 4 a.m, and we were at a beef & beer fundraiser all night. We got home very late, it's been a LONG, busy week, I'm exhausted, and I just threw this little flash fiction thing together minutes ago. Excuse the typos. I apologize. I don't have anything banked that isn't part of a novel (which I don't post). And if you knew how little sleep I've been surviving off of the last few weeks, you'd forgive me for this:
  

 The damn dog woke me up at the crack of dawn. It was the first day I’d had off in weeks, and I needed more sleep. But duty called, so I pulled on some sweats, grabbed the leash and a plastic bag.  She spun at my feet, eager.
   “I'm not liking you right now, Maggie.”  
   She pulled me down the stairs and across the lot to our condo’s little park.  I plopped on a bench while Maggie went about her sniffing for the sweet spot. Finally she got in position and as I reached for my baggie, I thought: I hope the neighbors aren’t watching this, because not only am I looking lovely in my sweats and bed-head, but there’s just nothing sexier than a girl scooping up a steaming bag of dog crap. 
  As I tied off my bag o’ doody, Maggie’s head snapped up. She went rigid, then barked at a man walking a dog. A man and dog I did not recognize. But then again, I hardly ever took Maggie out front to go potty; we almost always went out back. I didn't know all of the residents in the other buildings, so I wasn’t worried. 
  As Maggie and I started to leave, the man and his terrier changed course.  He rushed towards us and smiled, his gray teeth gapped and crooked like old gravestones. His fleshy face reminded me of raw chicken cutlets and waxy chunks of dandruff were lodged in his stringy hair. My instinct said to get the hell out of there.
  I started to pull on Maggie in earnest, but she was busy doing the butt-sniff dance with creepy guy's mutt.
  “Cute little dog you got there.” White sticky spittle in the corners of his mouth, stretched like pulled taffy while he spoke. His fetid breath hit me like a sewer tank.
  “Thanks…gotta go. Running late this morning.” I yanked Maggie and we ran back towards our building.
  As I hit my stairs, I heard the man laugh.
  The oft-overused cliche about the hairs rising on the back of your neck, it is so damn real. My neck prickled and my stomach did the plunge; click-clicking its way up, up to the free fall down, down.     
  After getting safely inside and locking the door, I looked out my window. He was standing there with a cigarette in his hand, looking up at me. Smiling.



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And, once again, Blogger is tweaking my font sizes at random. Blogger hates me.


Love,
Lola

42 comments:

Al said...

Creepy!
It got the hairs rising on the back of my neck too!

LR said...

Ooh that's scary! But I love your description of him. Shudder.

Debs said...

Eugh, poor you. Definitely not the best way to start the day.

Great description though, I could almost smell his fetid breath.

Damyanti said...

Scary creep...sounded very real.

Francine said...

Hi,

OMG skin-crawling experience - got a stong whiff of that gross individual.

Great piece of FPOV.
best
F

Emily White said...

Creepy! And the spittle...eew! Great post!

welcome to egypt said...

i liked your words
thanks

Falen (Sarah) said...

oooh creepy. and also dude's gross.
It's extra creepy cuz he has a dog and i automatically assume people who have dogs are good.
But of course the Silence of the Lambs and The Cell would prove me quite wrong in that point.

Now, put some lotion in the basket...

TechnoBabe said...

You might as well have written down your address and given it to him. Sheesh.

Summer said...

SCARY! Poor terrier, stuck with that creepy guy.

You know your rough drafts are nothing to sneeze at, Lola--you shouldn't apologize so much. :)

Elaine AM Smith said...

Well done.
The loved the peaceful everydayness of the opening then the change when he arrives.

Lola Sharp said...

FYI: This piece is NOT about me. It's just fiction. 4 a.m. fiction, at that.

Summer, oh, but I should. This really took me about 3 minutes. And looking at it now, even after only 3 hours of sleep, I see all sorts of tense problems, and echos, etc. All week I kept thinking I'd have time to sit down and write something good for DL. Just didn't happen.

Old Kitty said...

Oh that's just so creepy!!!! Oh my goodness!!! :-(

I'm going to hug my cat now (I need to find him first!! LOL!) to calm me down! What trauma!

Take care
x

Pat Tillett said...

That was really good! It got my skin crawling...

Stephanie said...

Creepy! You did a great job of making him really gross!

DL Hammons said...

I enjoyed this a lot!! I loved the line his gray teeth gapped and crooked like old gravestones . What great imagery!!

If this is what you can come up with in two minutes at 4 AM...then OMG!!

Thank you for posting this! (((HUGS)))

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

creepy - very creepy....

Thanks for the early morning shivers! ;o)

Wonderful entry!

Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Justin W. Parente said...

Quite creepy, especially the part about the "spittle around his lips." Yeah, they kind of turned my stomach. Not to mention the "steaming bag of dog crap."

Thanks for sharing!

Liza said...

Great description and very suspenseful...impressive that you pulled it together so quickly.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I can't believe you whipped that out at 4 in the morning! Wow. I love the voice and the description. :-)

Susan Fields said...

That was awesome - and you just wrote that on the fly? Amazing! Your description of that guy was so good - he's definitely creepy!

Jeff King said...

Great writing... keep it coming.

Charles Forgues said...

Very nicely done. Love the subtle descriptions.

Joining your blog.

Summer Ross said...

I really enjoyed this read! your descriptions are wonderful! very fresh and unique. The "sweet spot" made me smile. Thanks for posting and I hope you have gotten some rest.

Alleged Author said...

So creepy! Now I'm going to be paranoid every time I take my doggie for a walk. Thanks a lot! :P

Jemi Fraser said...

Great description of the creepy guy! :)

Good tension Lola - hope you get some sleep of your own! Take care :)

Crystal Cook said...

Very, very creepy!! I loved it Lola, the voice is awesome! Your first draft looks pretty dang good to me :)

Elliot Grace said...

...nicely done, Lola!

I felt the presence of goosebumps lingering.

...she's got skills:)

Cheeseboy said...

There really is nothing sexier than a girl scooping up a steaming bag of dog crap. Sometimes I will ask my wife to put on sweats and I will just watch her from the back window.

Lola Sharp said...

Cheeseboy--I know. Hot. ;)

There just isn't a delicate way to pick up after your dog.
A man walking with a bag of fresh poop isn't any sexier. I promise. Gross is an EOE.

Elle Strauss said...

I was eating breakfast and when I got to your descriptions of the the man, especially this -White sticky spittle in the corners of his mouth, stretched like pulled taffy while he spoke--I felt like gagging.

Great job for a spur of the moment flash entry. I hope you can get more rest this week!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Damn, Lola! Awesome off-the-cuff writing! You captured the moment perfectly. I've lived in apartment complexes before, and the part of this story that's sticking with me, that's given it its authentic edge for me, is this: Now he knows where she lives. I have chills thinking about all the what-ifs that could follow this scene.

Great job. Now, go get some sleep!

((hugs)) Nicole

Portia said...

This:

After getting safely inside and locking the door, I looked out my window. He was standing there with a cigarette in his hand, looking up at me. Smiling.

Gave me chills. Chills!

I'm gonna call you when I can't sleep tonight ;-)

—Portia

aspiring_x said...

wow! that's what you're ashamed of! i thought the beginning was HILARIOUS and the end was frickin creepy! excellent!

sharongerlach said...

Very eerie. I love eerie. Great, creepy entry. ;-)

Kelly Dexter said...

This is a great piece! Your writing is believable and does a fantastic job calling to mind a scenario that is frighteningly possible.

If something you've just thrown together is this good, I would love to see a piece you've spent more time on.

Glad to have found your blog :-)

Donna Hole said...

Ooh, a stalker drama. I liked it. You built the tension and still kept the humor realistic.

Great scene.

...........dhole

Amanda Sablan said...

It's annoying that Blogger does that. Oh why, Blogger, do you torment us so?!

Anyway, this was a chilling good piece considering you just threw it together last minute! Surprisingly funny, too. <3

Susan Tiner said...

Nice. Why is that some of life's creepiest moments happen when we've just rolled out of bed?

Belle said...

Wow - very creepy. I would never have guessed you just threw it together so quickly!

jcmartinfighterwriter said...

*ugh* Disgusting man...great descriptions and details! Excellent bit of writing for something just thrown together!

kimberlyloomis said...

Great descriptive work, Lola. And, uh, I'll never look at chicken cutlets the same again. Eeeewwww....

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My name is Lola. (I'm not a showgirl) Yes, L-O-L-A Lola. It's the least of my worries. Let's move on, shall we? This blog is mostly about my misadventures on the journey to publication and beyond. My passion for lush prose, quirky characters, art, music, literature, performing arts and anything creative will be a major theme here. This journey of mine will not always be pretty. Much like rubbernecking a train wreck, I know sometimes you just can't help but look at the carnage that is often my life. So strap on your neck brace, helmet and 5-point harness and come along for the ride! Licentia poetica.
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