Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Lady Doth Protest Too Much; Vanity Wins

As a writer, I am too often sitting, hunched over my macbook, wandering aimlessly down some twisted path in my head, listening to the voices. I'm all deep 'n stuff, like that.

But today, as the prodigal sun finally returns (shines), and thus the realization that spring is soon upon us,  I gave my lazy bones a stern talking to, the what-for.

"Get off your butt and onto that treadmill! Not after you finish that chapter, NOW."

Eh,  I'll go for a bike ride or take the dog for a walk when I'm done with this plot line.

"Listen you no-working-out-all-winter flabby slob, I have one word....I have TWO(-ish) words: bathing-suit season!!"

Damn.

Thing is, I like doing fun activities (surfing, swimming, etc.), and I like looking cute in shorts, but I HATE getting on that evil treadmill. It's BORING. Every little green lit-up dash mark, every turn of every corner of every lap, every drop of sweat makes me want to scream:




Seriously, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.
A dull, rusty fork.

"But, I don't love atrophying."

Fine. I'll do a quick 2 miles. Then will you leave me alone for the day?

"TWO miles?! Ptew! I spit on your two measly miles. Give me three miles, and some new shoes and we have a deal."

Fine.

"Whatcha think of these?"



Worth it!!

It aint about the health, people. It's all about the booty.

Love,
Lola

19 comments:

Tara said...

All about the booty, indeed. *snort*

Here, I thought you did it all for the Nookie. Go figure.

Now, to the treadmill. Onward ho.

What are you waiting for - A Certain Shade of Green?


I kill me.

roxy said...

Go, Lola. You awesome woman. I hate to admit it, but it would require more than three miles to get my butt perky again. Love the shoes. I faintly remember shoe shopping. I think it was fun. My treadmill was Satan's treadmill at one point, and it needs a good exorcism. The belt occasionally slips, and I go flying. This adds insult to injury. . .

Jemi Fraser said...

lol :)

We have a gorgeous spring day here - I just came in from a nice long walk. I'm even feeling guilty about sitting inside right now! We don't often get days like this in March.

DL Hammons said...

I'm wondering...were you a drill sargent in another life?

I see your booty...and raise you one waistline!

sarahjayne smythe said...

LMAO! It's all about the booty should be on a tee-shirt somewhere. :)

B. Miller said...

Go, Lola! You can do it! Maybe listening to an audiobook or some great music will help the treadmill not suck so much.

Piedmont Writer said...

The last time I even LOOKED at shoes like that was over 30 years ago. Color me jealous!

Greenfingers said...

'I'm all deep 'n stuff, like that'.

Love that line...its me!!

Oh, and I love the heals, just don't get one of those weird writers heads and attempt to get some inspiration by wearing them on the treadmill!!

E. Elle said...

Hilarious post! Love it, LOVE it.

I hate the treadmill, too. That's why I have a wide variety of aerobic videos and DVDs.

And a treadmill for when I feel like torturing myself.

Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

I'm somebody who had treadmill envy because I really want one in my house. But, I know the moment I get one - it will be become my arch nemesis.

Tom said...

i just did 4 miles--forget the treadmill...get out to the park and run in the fresh air!

Shelley Sly said...

Did I ever mention how much I love your posts? If not, I'm saying it now. You *always* make me smile.

I can only tolerate the treadmill (and other exercise machines) if I have music in my ears. Otherwise I cheat by lowering the time meter and stop like 20 minutes early.

Kazzy said...

My treadmill yells at me and I just stare it down.

Marla said...

Lola, you are too dang funny and I LOVE the shoes! I get tons of exercise with my treadmill .... moving it from room to room.

Niki said...

haha oh my days of perky bottoms and short skirts are well and truly over. The only exercise I get is chasing silly sheep!

Terresa said...

Hehehe. I just laughed myself off my computer chair and onto a treadmill, too.

Summer season is flaunting itself all over the stores right now in bikini's & boy shorts, whether we are getting ready for it or not (sigh).

Jen said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! I hope you come back and visit!! I'm following you now!

Cute shoes! I'm with you, treadmill's suck, I'm in full agreement, but I loved the pep talks you gave yourself, they sound like something I would say.

Chantel said...

Damn girl, it's contagious.

Adore you!

Lindsay said...

This reminds me of one of the articles that the 2009 Novel & Short Story Writers Market opens with... about how exercise is very important for writers as well.

I hate running as well... much prefer my hour and half of intense Bikram yoga in the 105F hot room. xx

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Lola Sharp
My name is Lola. (I'm not a showgirl) Yes, L-O-L-A Lola. It's the least of my worries. Let's move on, shall we? This blog is mostly about my misadventures on the journey to publication and beyond. My passion for lush prose, quirky characters, art, music, literature, performing arts and anything creative will be a major theme here. This journey of mine will not always be pretty. Much like rubbernecking a train wreck, I know sometimes you just can't help but look at the carnage that is often my life. So strap on your neck brace, helmet and 5-point harness and come along for the ride! Licentia poetica.
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