Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Maybe...

Maybe I am not talented enough, maybe I'm a hack, a fraud.

Maybe I read too many mysteries, urban fantasies, and thrillers when I should be reading more serious literature.

Maybe I read too much serious literature when I should be writing...or doing chores.

Maybe I love the smell of puppy breath and crayola crayons and fresh rain on hot pavement.

Maybe I love punk rock AND classical. And pop. And blues. And...

Maybe I'm a literary and musical omnivore.

Maybe I never iron my clothes. Maybe I never will.

Maybe I think it's weird that some people iron their jeans.

Maybe I hate socks.

Maybe I am high heels or flip flops/barefoot and rarely anything in between.

Maybe I wish I was prettier, skinnier, smarter, nicer, more patient.

Maybe I don't shave my legs or dress up or blow-out my hair and do my make-up every day.

Maybe I love spontaneous travel and adventure.

Maybe I love sand and ocean air.

Maybe I eat Cocoa Puffs for breakfast every morning.

Maybe coffee with an obscene amount of sugar makes me happy and functioning.

Maybe I love big cities and country farms.

Maybe I'm girlie and love Jane Austen, poetry, period/romantic movies, babies, the color pink, animals, and can be brought to tears by a commercial.

Maybe I'm girlie AND like violent action movies, crass, raunchy humor, NFL, science fiction, driving fast cars, fast boats, playing sports, fishing, dancing in high heels and other badass things I wont mention here.

Maybe I come from a background of Broken People.

Maybe I worry I am Broken.

Maybe I secretly know that I'm Repaired, and did so on my own.

Maybe I know I am strong and decent and loving in spite of my childhood.

Maybe I've been legally on my own since I was 15.

Maybe I am shallow enough to love spending money on pretty things.

Maybe I spend a LOT of money on books...and shoes...and music...and flowers.

Maybe I donate a lot of money.

Maybe I love digging in the soil and playing with plants and flowers; watching things grow.

Maybe I am beyond blessed and so very grateful that I know what real love is.

Maybe I am beyond blessed that my daughter is healthy, happy, gorgeous and smart.

Maybe, just maybe, somehow I'll learn how to be worthy of my blessings.

4 comments:

Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist said...

The jumble of contradictions that make us who we are! I relate to so may of these.

I hope you do realize you are worthy of them.

La Belette Rouge said...

Definitely I enjoyed this post!

Alexandra Crocodile said...

I relate to a lot of these, but I think "serious literature" is an arrogant term used by people who study literature at university - why is Tolstoy better than Christie?

Lola Sharp said...

You ladies are awesome.

Alexandra, good reading is good reading, no matter the genre, I agree.

I do LOVE Tolstoy, and James Joyce, among many others. I savor every word, like good chocolate or wine.
I also love Janet Evanovich (Plum series CRACKS ME UP!) and Charlaine Harris...and Christie.

A good story, one that I don't want to end, is heaven.

May your pen be mighty

May your pen be mighty

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Lola Sharp
My name is Lola. (I'm not a showgirl) Yes, L-O-L-A Lola. It's the least of my worries. Let's move on, shall we? This blog is mostly about my misadventures on the journey to publication and beyond. My passion for lush prose, quirky characters, art, music, literature, performing arts and anything creative will be a major theme here. This journey of mine will not always be pretty. Much like rubbernecking a train wreck, I know sometimes you just can't help but look at the carnage that is often my life. So strap on your neck brace, helmet and 5-point harness and come along for the ride! Licentia poetica.
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